As You Wish
by SinsofMidnight
Summary: Saya basically goes into heat once a year. But what happens when she realizes she's in love with someone who will never touch her?
1. Chapter 1

**So... this is a Blood+ story I've been working on for a while...**

**It's kinda a "what if" story: what if Saya basically went into heat once a year?**

**This is by no means cannon. All of my favorite characters -minus Moses, sadly- come out to play, and they can't do tht if some of them are dead, now can they?**

**So, enjoy!**

**~Sins~  
**

* * *

Long hair tends to be the bane of a runner's very existence. So they either pull it back or cut it short. I was a part of the second group, even though I love long hair. That was probably the number one reason I loved having Haji as an almost constant companion. The quiet cellist let me play in his long dark hair whenever I wished.

However, some days, his silence was the bane of my existence. Like it was today. I was braiding his hair and fighting the urge to hurt him intentionally, just to hear some sound from the overly composed man. He hadn't spoken a single word to me all day. He'd spoken to my father, both of my brothers, and my best friend, but it seemed he hadn't had a word to spare for me.

"Saya."

"Hmm?" I asked, startled. The first word he said to me all day and it was my name.

"You do remember what tomorrow is." It wasn't a question.

I sighed. Trust him to bring up the day I hated most. "Yes, I do recall it." _I hate it, but I recall it._

He was silent for a moment before he told me quietly, "Saya, you're pulling my hair."

I released it suddenly, his hair coming unbraided almost instantly. "Sorry." I got up and left the room quickly, heading upstairs to hide in my bedroom. _God, why did I have to fall in love with _him_?_ Haji had been given to me as a young boy, so all he ever saw me as was a companion, sometimes one who needed to be watched over a lot. But I'd seen the boy grow into a man, and stay that way, time stopping for him when he was about eighteen. I'd had decades to become infatuated with the handsome man.

"Saya? It's time to eat." Kai stuck his head into my bedroom.

I smiled at him. "Tell Dad I'll be down in a minute."

He nodded and gave me a smile before leaving to get our other brother, Riku. I pressed my face into my pillow and yelled in frustration. I stood up, composed myself once more, and went downstairs again.

Haji sat in the kitchen, playing his cello as Dad served up supper. He was the only being in the house with no need to eat, so he played music throughout dinner, usually without speaking to anyone.

Dad and Riku talked, but Kai and I ate in silence while Haji played a soft melody. I currently didn't want to be anywhere near Haji, so I ate quickly and excused myself from the table. I felt my families eyes on me as I retreated, making some excuse about homework.

* * *

"What on Earth is wrong with her?" George asked me.

I looked at him. _If I knew, I'd tell you,_ I thought. Her memory was still incomplete, so I'd just wanted to make sure she was aware.

Kai rose and excused himself from the table as well.

I knew I needed to check on her, but she wasn't in the mood to be receptive to me at all. She'd be much more receptive to George.

Riku finished eating and excused himself from the table, leaving only George and myself in the kitchen.

"What on Earth is wrong with her?" George repeated, collecting the dishes from the table and putting them in the sink as I put away my cello.

I shrugged. "Will you check on her? I get the feeling she's mad at me."

George nodded. "Of course. I heard her storm upstairs earlier. Is that what this is about?"

"Maybe. I'm not sure." I set my cello case in the living room and returned to the kitchen to do the dishes. He nodded and headed up the stairs.

He returned a few minutes later. "She's locked her bedroom door and is playing one of those angst-y teen CDs. She refuses to speak to me. Will you try your hand?"

* * *

I blared music, anything I could find without a cello involved. Although I played it once –had even taught it to Haji- I couldn't stand to hear it right now, not when I was so angry at Haji for bringing up tomorrow.

I always wonder why I never ask him to take me to safety, away from anyone else. And I've decided the answer is simple: he wouldn't leave, and I'd never be without him. His presence rubbed me raw ever since I figured out I was in love with him.

The worst part of the whole mess was that he was technically mine to order about on a whim, technically a part of me. the only time I was free of the blasted man was when I slept, and even then only sometimes. He saw me as his master, someone he owed servitude to. I would have been just as happy if he took off to see the world while I was awake for once.

A knock sounded at my door.

"Go _away_, Dad." I stared out the window, trying to fill myself with the music.

"Saya."

I stared at the door. _Haji._ He put so much into the one word, as always. "What do you want, Haji?" I demanded, fighting the urge to turn the music up louder and pretend I hadn't heard him call my name.

"Is this about what we spoke of earlier?"

"Kind of yes, kind of no. My memories are now fully intact. Please do not state the obvious." I kept my tone clipped and formal.

"What else is wrong?"

I sighed heavily. "You wouldn't understand."

I almost heard Haji give a short nod and walk away. _Damn me for only having one chevalier!_ He was my only one, so I knew his reactions and his way of thinking almost better than my own. If I had another, I'd actually spend some time away from the blasted man. But I would never be like my sister Diva. I could never take a human who is perfectly healthy and turn them into a chevalier. The only reason Haji was my chevalier was because he died. The power of the Queen's blood can bring back the dead. It was prompted by the fact that I'd been the actual cause of my companion's death. So I brought him back, only to find out I'd forever changed the man I'd watched grow up.

While my sister had no qualms about doing this to the living, I only wished this state of un-death on the already dead. Haji didn't eat or sleep. He existed wholly to serve me and keep me safe during my decades of sleep. It disturbed me to know what I'd done to him by simply giving him my blood and trying to save his life.

_Damn it! Why can't I stop thinking about him?_ I buried my face in my pillow and prayed for sleep. Hopefully, in sleep I could find some refuge from him. It just was not fair that every thought led back to him somehow.

A knock sounded at my door again. "What?" I asked, my anger having cooled.

"Saya."

_Haji again._ I smiled in spite of myself and rose from my bed, then crossed the room and opened the door. Haji's hair looked a little more mused than usual, and he wore a look I rarely saw on his face: surprise.

He composed himself quickly, even though –rarest of rarities- his hair was lose around his face, his jacket shed elsewhere, and his shirt half undone. He leaned into me and brushed a kiss to my cheek, murmuring, "Sorry."

I stared at his blue-grey eyes, startled. This was new. Haji had never kissed me anywhere but on the hand, except when desperate times called for desperate measures. And even weirder: he never apologized.

His cheeks turned pink and he bid me goodnight, hurrying downstairs to the living room, my hand sliding up to cup my cheek as I made my way to my bed in a daze.

_I know who I'll be dreaming about tonight,_ I thought, sighing. I get angry at the man and then he has to do something ridiculously sweet, like apologize. And kiss my cheek.

I fell into the waiting arms of sleep, thinking about the sexy image he'd been, his dark hair down around his face, in a state of undress I never saw him in, him being the perfect Victorian gentleman he'd been raised to be at the Zoo. _What possessed him to apologize dressed like that? _was my last coherent thought.

* * *

_What in the hell was I thinking?_ I wondered, pacing the living room like a caged animal. I'd been unwinding, had taken off my jacket and undone half the buttons on my shirt, as well as untied the precious blue ribbon, a gift from Saya ages ago. What possessed me to even think about apologizing, I do not know. Next thing I knew, I was at her door, knocking.

She's opened it with a smile on her face, even thought she'd been angry at me earlier. Then, apparently, I just went for it, leaning into kiss her cheek and apologize. It had to have been the shock in her gaze that brought me back to my senses.

_How do you tell your Master, whom you've been with for over a century, that you're in love with them and have been since before you died trying to help them?_ I wound a curly strand of hair around my finger as I pondered this, puzzled. Then again, this question has always been at the top of my mind, and I hadn't answered it yet.

_Dear Lord, tomorrow will be hell,_ I thought to myself.

* * *

**I'm just setting things up, so far... but doesn't it sound like fun?**

**Read and review, pretty please!  
**


	2. Chapter 2

**Hello, all! Here is where the fun truly begins! I promise.**

**Enjoy! **

**~Sins~  
**

* * *

I awoke, slowly drawing out of my very sexy dream about Haji and drifting into reality. I opened my eyes to stare into the fathomless blue of Doctor Julia's eyes.

"Good morning, Saya. How are you feeling this morning?" she greeted, a smile on her face.

"Good morning, Doctor Julia. I'm feeling okay," I replied.

"Oh, just 'Julia' will be fine, Saya. What body wash do you use?"

I named off my random choice of the week. I was still half-asleep, but I had a sinking sensation that I knew exactly where this was going. "Why do you ask?"

"Because you smell absolutely delicious this morning!" she exclaimed. Then she brought her mouth down to mine, kissing me hungrily. I bemoaned my fate as a Queen. Today was most certainly _not_ my day. Or, maybe the problem was it _was_ my day.

I pulled away from her, just barely escaping from her grasp when Mr. David came into my room. I eyed the tall blond man and decided I needed to go to the beach.

"Catch you later!" I exclaimed, waving good bye before I opened my bedroom window and jumped out.

Before I touched the ground, a breeze moved, a shadow flickered, and I found myself in Haji's arms.

"Saya." He spoke my name and I could hear the chastisement. _How does he get so much emotion into one little word?_

"Hey! You try going through heat and see how you deal with it!" I exclaimed, hurriedly climbing out of his arms like an errant child trying to escape her father.

He watched me run away. I felt his eyes on my back, practically broadcasting his thoughts: _You know better than this, Saya. This is not going to help matters any._

_It may not,_ I thought, _but it at least makes me feel better._

_

* * *

  
_

I watched her patter barefoot, in yesterday's shorts and tank top, down the sand to the water's edge and shook my head. _How many years have we done this? And she still thinks this will work anywhere in the vicinity of humans?_ I stared daggers at the humans who approached her. _She's _mine_, damn it. You… children!_

Pushing back the urge to scoop her up into my arms again and drag her to Antarctica, away from these _creatures_ that couldn't even restrain themselves, I observed her. Her playful flirting made me sick. Still she smiled and pretended she liked them back, pretending their attentions were wanted.

I stared out at her. How could she do this, year in and year out?

_Why didn't she order me to take her somewhere safe?_

_

* * *

  
_

I was enjoying the attention, the adoring gazes of the boys and girls. They were strangers, every last one of them, but they all looked at me like I was the living image of Venus. It flattered me that while the one I wanted to look at me like this did not, someone else could look at me like this. About sixteen male somebodies and around ten female somebodies, to be exact.

"Guys, let me through. That's my sister you're ogling, so knock it off before I rip your heads off."

Only one of my brothers was violent enough to make such a threat: Kai. I smiled at him when he made his way to me. He'd obviously not been awake long, his red hair mused from sleep, but he was still running to my rescue like any gentleman would do at the first sign of a damsel in distress.

"Saya." He looked at me like he always did: very sweetly, very honestly. "What are you doing?" Kai had lived through a day like this last year, so he knew what was going on. He led me through the crowd and to the shoreline, the water washing at our feet. "Why don't you just ask Haji to take you somewhere away from people, somewhere safe from this?"

I'd pondered this question enough, but it was awkward to hear Kai ask me. "And be stuck with that infernally annoying man who usually doesn't have five words for me?" I asked carefully. "I'd rather visit with Carl, and we both know he can't stand me."

"Today would be the only day he could stand you and not try to kill you," said a soft voice behind us. I turned to look into violet eyes.

"Solomon," I replied. "How is my sister?"

He shrugged. "She has Amshel, so she is satisfied. How are you, Saya? You're releasing your pheromones," he noted briefly.

"Heh. All the humans noticed, too. I'm in one hell of a mood." I smiled at the quiet blond man. "But it's good to see you, Solomon."

Solomon reached out. Out of nowhere, Haji appeared by my side, like he was afraid of the hand Solomon had extended to take my own. Smiling to myself, I reached out and placed my hand on Solomon's cheek instead.

He leaned into it like a lifeline. I knew the truth, and he knew that I knew. But it didn't really matter that Solomon was in love with me, or that for a short time, I'd liked him, as well. Solomon, even though he was one of my sister's chevaliers, was a special friend of mine. It would kill him to see me die, so he kept us one step ahead of that by feeding us information to protect me.

"You probably should go back to her now," I told him, brushing his cheekbone with my fingers.

His hand cupped mine as he pulled it down from his cheek. He pressed a kiss to my palm, then to my cheek. "Take care, Saya." My name sounded like a prayer from his lips.

And then he disappeared as quickly as he had appeared, leaving me standing with a shocked Kai and a silent Haji.

"What was that?" Kai asked when he found his voice.

"Who, Kai. That was Solomon, one of Diva's chevaliers, and by far the most pleasant. And he's a friend." I chose to gloss over the fact that he was in love with me. Haji was still beside me and it was making me antsy. "He came to warn me that Carl may show up at anytime."

"How'd you get that?" Kai asked. "He never said that."

I sighed. "Solomon showed up to prove that they are aware of my current… situation. Amshel sees no advantage to leaving Diva's side for now, but Carl is, in a word, insane, and Amshel's logic may not be enough to restrain him. James is glued to Amshel's side because that is what he does best. Nathan, however, will not be a problem. He's too absorbed in other things to care. You just have to learn how to interpret Solomon's words."

Solomon was careful not to say things as to make it obvious he was feeding me information. I was fine with it, because it wasn't hard to pick out what the words meant and because his information had saved my life more times than I wished to recall.

"Why would he want to give us that information?" Kai asked.

I felt the blush rise to my cheeks. "He loves me," I murmured.

Kai heard and I saw the blush go to his cheeks, as well. "Oh."

Haji wore a glowering look at the statement. _What the heck is that about?_

_

* * *

_

_Solomon. Damn the man._ I glared at the mention of his love for Saya. The man pissed me off faster than anything else around. Sure, he wanted to protect Saya. But he belonged to Diva, and he was the enemy. Not to mention, a rival for Saya's affection.

_How is he a rival?_ my inner voice asked. _You're not exactly confessing to her._

_Shut up, inner voice,_ I thought. _You're annoying._

It was true. I'd loved her since I was a boy, but I wasn't exactly confessing my feelings to her. I was pretty sure the only thing she really felt for me was anger. It seemed I excelled at ticking her off, even when I didn't aim to.

_It took me a century, but I'm acting like a teenage finally. Damn it._ I nearly laughed at that thought. It probably had a lot to do with Saya's pheromones, but I was still acting like a jealous teenage boy.

Saya smiled weakly. "Kai, do you mind helping us find a close place with next to no population? I think I would enjoy a bit of solitude right about now."

So she was still annoyed enough with me to exclude me from the conversation. She didn't want me to go with her, wherever she was headed, a wish I would be forced to discard. But I would stay out of her way, if it made her happy.

The red-headed boy smiled. "I know just the place."

* * *

**And the plot thickens... :O**

**Please review! Tell me what you like, what you hate, where you think it'll go... just tell me, 'cause reviews keep me going!  
**


	3. Chapter 3

**...This is my amusing third chapter, lol. I like this one a lot. Hope you will, too!**

**~Sins~**

* * *

Kai indeed knew just the place, and that was why, fifteen minutes later, Haji and I were rowing across to a deserted island. Not that I particularly wanted to be anywhere near Haji at the moment, but that had not been taken into account, anyway.

"If you want to be alone when we get there, I'll stay on the opposite side of the island."

The quiet offer startled me. I hadn't thought he was aware of my quiet anger. But I should have known better. He knew every bad mood. Always had, even when he was just a boy.

I felt my anger cool a bit. He just hadn't seen fit to bring it up. "I'd appreciate a bit of time alone," I returned, "but there's no need to go to the other side of the island. Just let me walk the coastline alone for a bit."

He nodded and said nothing more, rowing in silence.

_How can I stay angry at him when he does things like this?_ I stared at him for a moment before drawing the only conclusion I could at that point: _Maybe he doesn't like it when I'm angry at him…?_

_

* * *

_

She started walking along the shore as soon as we'd arrived, so I'd set up camp: a tent for shelter, sleeping bags and blankets, and I even started a fire when the evening temperature began to drop. Still no sign of her, and it had been three hours.

So I decided to see her out. At the very least, she was probably hungry. I could smell her sent, so I followed it to the shore. I couldn't see her anywhere on the beach, so I just kept following her scent.

I nearly stumbled over her. That was how I found her. She was lying on the sand, asleep. Not the most peaceful sleep –I could tell be her expression- but she looked so sweet, so peaceful that when I scooped her up into my arms, I brushed a kiss against her lips gently. She instinctively wrapped her arms around me to hold on, which amused me.

I took her back to camp, careful not to wake her. I laid her down on her sleeping bag and then stretched out on mine, right beside hers.

"Haji," she whispered, her voice pained, her face twisting into a pained expression. I turned to look at her still-slumbering face. _What is she dreaming about?_

I didn't want to wake her: she barely got enough sleep as it was. So I took her hand in mine, trying to comfort her. "Saya, I'm here," I murmured to her.

In an instant, the pained expression on her face eased. "Haji, you scared me. I thought you'd left me forever," she mumbled in her sleep.

I started. _My death? That's what she was dreaming about? That's what put that expression on her face? The thought of me dying hurt her like that?_ A warm feeling flooded though me. She may not quite feel the same way, but she cared for me, even all those years ago. "I'll never leave you, Saya."

Her hand clenched around mine, like she'd never let go of it.

* * *

I had a feeling I would be in trouble if he became aware I was no longer asleep. I'd woken up the instant he spoke to me, still feeling the sting of my dream. Then I'd realized he was fine, he was right beside me, holding my hand. The dream still clung in my mind, causing me to say something I'd never intended to tell him.

But his quiet response made all of the embarrassment of having said that bearable. So I held on tightly to his hand, happier than I'd even been. Pretending to be asleep, I pulled his hand closer to me.

He settled his long body beside mine, wrapping his other arm around me.

This startled me a bit until I realized I liked it. Haji's arms felt good around me, like a promise that I'd never be alone. I snuggled into him, still maintaining my pretense of sleep until it was no longer a pretense.

* * *

**lol. Please review! Reviews are my crack!**


	4. Chapter 4

**Hey, guys. I'm sorry this chapter was so long in coming. I simply lacked the inspiration to close it. **

**Anyway, enjoy my first post on this in a long, long time. If you need to, go back and reread!  
**

**

* * *

**

I woke up slowly sometime later, stretching as I always did, only to discover the arm wrapped around me. It reminded me of last night's events, making me blush a little. But I still liked the protective arm Haji had wrapped around me. It made me feel safe, grounded, attached to at least one other being.

"Saya?" Haji asked, feeling me stir against him.

"Hmm?" I asked, settling comfortably into his half-embrace again, noticing the way his front was curved to my back. It was like we were meant to fit together in this way.

"Do you remember your dream?" he asked carefully, like he was wondering something.

_Oh shit._

* * *

She tensed at my question and drew out of my embrace. "Yeah. Yeah, I remember. Why do you ask?"

"Well," I hedged, sitting up to meet her dark gaze, even though I avoided her eyes like the plague after I sat up. "I was wondering if you could tell me why the notion of me 'leaving you forever' would hurt you like that, almost to the point of shattering. All I seem to do is make you angry, anymore."

Her eyes widened and she sat up, too, reaching out to me, her hand moving to cup my cheek. "Haji, you're my constant companion. Of course you'll tick me off a lot. You know me as well as I know you, and we'll each get on the other's nerves. But I loved you once, I love you still, I always have, and I always will. Nothing will ever change my feelings, okay?"

"Saya…?" I asked, feeling like a fish out of water. _She _loved_ me? She _loves_ me?_

She blushed. "Well, hell. I didn't intend to say that." She gently stroked my hair and smiled at me gently, hesitantly, as if she wasn't sure how to take my reaction.

I didn't know what to say. I never had this problem; I usually had plenty to say and so much to keep in my head, but I had no words to say what needed to be said. So I simply leaned over and pressed a kiss to her soft lips, like it was the natural thing to do.

She was startled at first and a bit shy, but then she slid her hands over my shoulders to untie my ribbon and lace her fingers into my hair. She drew back gently when she recognized the ribbon. "Haji… You sentimental…"

Even though she used her words to scold me, her expression contradicted her. She liked that I'd hung onto that ribbon for so long. It told tales of just how long I'd had these feelings I'd hidden so deeply inside myself.

I smiled gently at her. "I love you, Saya. I have loved you for such a long time." Then I wrapped my arms around her and pulled her to me, needing to touch her, needing to feel her, needing to know that this was real and not some cruel dream from which I'd soon awaken.

She seemed to feel that same need, as she simply laid her head against my chest to listen to my heart.

A few minutes later, I looked down to see her fast asleep, a contented little smile on her face. Seeing that, I could feel the smile tugging at my lips, because when she was content, I was happy.

* * *

This time, when I awoke on his chest, I knew it wasn't a dream. He watched me with tender eyes, his hand gently stroking my hair.

"Hey," I greeted softly, a smile pulling at my lips.

He didn't bother with a real greeting. Our lips met gently, like he was still trying to make sure it wasn't some dream.

I pulled back after a moment. "Ugh, Haji! I have morning breath!"

He blinked for a moment, startled, then burst out laughing. Then he kissed me again, sweetly, gently, asking silently for entrance, which I gave him, not even thinking about the morning breath issue.

He drew back after a moment. "I don't have any problem with-" he held up his hands and used his fingers for quote marks, which was almost as astounding as him kissing me - "your 'morning breath', Saya."

He clearly had me there. So I attacked in return, pulling his lips back to mine as I threaded my fingers into the jet-black silk of his hair. I rubbed my body against his, smiling against his gasping lip. He changed his angle, slanting his lips over mine and deepening the kiss. His tongue traced my lip, asking for permission to know my taste. I opened to him and met him halfway, my tongue tasting his, dancing in teasing circles.

A low moan sounded around us, but I wasn't sure which throat the strangled sound had torn from.

I pulled back slowly, desire racing through my veins like a wild fire. "Haji," I begged, "make love to me."

His eyes met mine as a tender smile pulled at his lips. "As you wish."

* * *

**I do have the most cheesy lines, sometimes! Lol **

**Well, if you've been awaiting the scene that this chapter so skillfully hinted at (lol, if you can't find the forest for the trees it is not my problem XD) there will be one more chapter, the complete sex scene, for your enjoyment.**

**Post-Chapter Conversation:**

**Saya: **Did you really have to wait that long to have us **kiss**?

**Sins:** Saya. You know how the plot bunnies get. Besides, you get next chapter, too.

**Haji:** Seriously? Thank God. What was up with the cheesy line back there, anyway?

**Sins:** I had to work the title in somehow.

**Haji:** **facepalms**

XD


	5. Author's Note!

_My dears, I apologize for not getting back to this story._

_In all truth, this story has reach a good enough conclusion that my muses no longer clamor after it, so I will be calling it complete. _

_However, I will be taking the time to edit it because all of the writing is over three years old now. That means it will increase in length, (hopefully) clarity, and my writing will (hopefully) show greater craft and maturity._

_I don't intend to remove the chapters, only replace them, so you may not see any updates as I update the text. I will add another note when the edit is complete -and since it will be a new chapter, you those of you following the story will get an update on that._

_I hope to see you around, maybe hear from you (PMs are always welcome if you can't add a review to a chapter!)._

_Ever at your pleasure,  
~Sins~_


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